if you want me, you could take me away.

 

But what I do I do because I like to do. Where's the crime in that? It's like a symphony, and I am the conductor. It's my own little concert, and each note I play, I play for the sheer bliss of it. Only later does the silence come, heavy and cold, and you're left wondering what the music ever meant.

— Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

————————

The flick of the thumb
like striking a match.

Click.
Like a key
in an old rusty lock;
like a door
creaking open —
ushering in
memories
long buried.

Each flick;
each click —
a reminder
of things
better left
untouched.

Each flick,
each click —
like chasing
the spark
that may soon
turn into a wildfire.

The flame comes to life
consuming everything
in its path.

Wildfire.
The flame spreads,
the fog thickens.


——


His mind wanders
into the haze,
seeking that escape
that he always longed for.
Industrial sounds
in the background
as he danced with shadows,
chasing the fleeting thrill
of getting lost in illusions.

Oh boy.
Oh those delusions.
The world around him
fades to monochrome.
Black or white —
he can no longer tell.

Achromatic.
He lights the candle
gently in his hand
looking back at old pictures
and placing it slowly
in front of his self-portrait
like a joss stick.

Who am I? he asks.
The caricature of himself
depicted as a monstrous being,
almost sentient but lost
in a world he doesn't belong in.

Enchanted.
His mind wonders
as he embraces the heat,
intoxicated by its warmth
and gradually being consumed.

Farewell.
The beauty of the flame
derails him from the reality
as he gets engulfed in the smoke
choking but he takes a deep breath.

Regulation.
Breathing exercises regulate him.
He struggles to stay present
almost forgetting why he
lit the candle
in the first place.

Oh boy.
Oh those breathless moments.
Don't forget to breathe.
Oh but he could never forget
why he would hold the lighter in his hand
and almost never let it go.

But he did.
He put the lighter down
and never flicked it again.

————————

M.

i wish i never knew your name
i loved the way you taste
from a distance, i can hear you say my name.