numb my heart.

 

 

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.

— Maya Angelou

 

 

———————— 

 

 

 Oh, little creature,
how I adored the thought
of you in my life.
But this is a dark world,
a depressing state
that will be so hard
for you to thrive.
A bad decision was made
and everything went away.
For a long time, the thought was
repressed and buried.

Oh, little creature,
you turned out different
from the thought
I had to convince myself to forget,
but there you were in front of me.
Gazing at your mannerisms,
your laughter and tantrums,
I wonder if I will be good enough
for a little creation I could call mine.
Then, I noticed you were placed
in a room full of expectations.

Oh, little creature,
you don't even begin to understand
what the rest are saying about you;
just like how you do not understand
all their motives to get close to you,
all their concealed intentions
towards having new stimuli
in their drudging and repetitive lives.

Oh, little creature,
aren't you a doll?
aren't you made to please the ones
with a chunk of wisdom
and experience you can't even
being to fathom.
I wonder if your mere existence
is more beneficial for others,
them or you.
Maybe I hope you will see me around
for as long as I exist;
or maybe you will not,
everything in life will cease.

Oh, little creature,
I don't think I'm ready for you.
I might as well stick around
not for you;
but perhaps,
 my imaginary cactus plant.

 

 

———————— 

 

 

M.


it hurts too much right now to think things through.