I had a dream.

You said this was only the beginning,

I didn't realize that meant starting a new chapter without you as part of my story.

— Tannaz Sayadi, Write like no one is reading 2.

————————

I didn't want to wake up from this dream.

It seemed like this night's sleep was coming to an end.

In fact, it is.

But in this dream, 

I can't seem to open my eyes.

I can't get myself to wake up

no matter how hard I keep trying.

Inside this illusion of rest,

I hated what I saw and felt

every single time I closed my eyes.

Closing my eyes in a dream

never felt so real

and terrifying.

A place where I lose myself

to my subconsciousness —

my thoughts, my id,

my inner most feelings.

It wasn't the safe place

I had imagined.

Filled with the frights

I invent for myself,

accompanied by the terrors

I didn't ask for.

I was trapped.

Ambushed and captured

in my own mind.

I couldn't get out.

Voices were talking to me,

the same ones when I am conscious;

telling me to wake up;

getting me to do a reality check.

It was time to move on.

Away from this comfort,

this familiarity, this lack of warmth. 

I didn't ask for my dreams to have snow.

So, why is it so cold?

Yet it was so hard to wake up,

as though I was enjoying the closed-eye hallucination.

 

But this daydream happened in the dark

with all inhibitions down,

vulnerability at best.

The darkest thoughts came alive.

The ones that are darker than the night.

In a room with the curtains closed,

not a speck of light to illuminate the gloom.

In this self-perceived nightmare

where I am sliding down a hill

I didn't ask for,

I let myself slide.

A self-proclamation of dread,

I let myself slide.

It seemed like it was all going downhill

and downwards was the only way.

But if only I could just get myself to open my eyes.

I almost forgot that I was just dreaming.

But one can only dream

in a dream, right?

————

How do I escape this despair?

I desperately need a flare.

 Maybe I want to wake myself up

and pour me a full cup.

Or maybe I want to stay this way

and reminisce in this grey.

I'll just oscillate between this black and white

until my eyes will finally open wide.

————————

M.

I got everything I wanted.

But when I wake up, I see 

You with me.

And you say,

As long as I'm here

No one can hurt you.

Don't wanna lie here

But you can learn to.