What a way to find that such hurt could bring you greater peace of mind.

"The voice of the intellect is a soft one, but it does not rest until it has gained a hearing."

— Sigmund Freud.

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People imagine possibilities.

People can imagine possibilities.

People imagine these possibilities,

and the possibilities that follow after.

Imagination only gets one so far.

Possibilities are finite.

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The mind conceives imagined possibilities from a perceptive standpoint of infinite multiverses that is tied down to a self-perceived value. Infinity is a gamble of affinity and the potential of an unforeseen circumstance exists beyond the shaky hands that roll the die for a calculated guess on its outcome.

Certainty is always a preferred choice.
It appears as though the basic human structure is a piece-together jigsaw puzzle of manufactured parts containing predictability, emotional defense, and—most certainly—certainty.


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Predictability is the simplest to comprehend.
By far, human predictability is the easiest to read. Simply because of the fact that humans are creatures of habit.

Habituated gestures form a circle of comfort.
To simplify the explanation with some abstract visual descriptions, it can be described as a bubble, or maybe even a snow globe, that every individual chooses to stay within even if it only contains a void that holds the capacity that enables one to practise that same learned set of kungfu moves in a loop because no other materials are provided to enhance any probabilities for change.

The ease of repeating a same pattern over and over again defines the completion of a habituation process. Not to mention, its lapses of repetition from the moment of its inception as a human habit that ordinarily blends in with daily human life.

Stepping out of the bubble is an issue;
Not quite classified as a problem because the average human can cultivate a habit of farting twice in the morning—specifically in bed and within the first half an hour of waking up.

Of course, it doesn't have to be farting, it was an example made out of humour whereby its humour has been diminishing from the mere explanation of its intended humour as this sentence is being typed out.

It could well be the habit of brushing teeth in the morning upon first waking, or making a cup of coffee to start off each brand new day. Creatures of habit learn these behaviours from others and eventually call them their own, with their own indicative responses to each different habit that becomes personalised—with each predictable habit, behaviour, and/or response tagged to each individual.

In the context of this habituation process, a conditioned response of how one might attain a good feeling from starting off the day with a cup of coffee could be further explained. This might then take me another few hours to read up on I. Pavlov's classical conditioning, B. F. Skinner's radical behaviourism or A. Bandura's social learning theory—which I already know about and have studied before but might want to revisit behaviourism theories once again because I am so predictably a nerd.

Unfortunately, my cup of coffee is about finished, while I would love to indulge in persistently reading all the journal articles I enjoy geeking over, I might just want to stick to my initial plan of finishing up this post before I decide to fart in bed and fall asleep afterwards, and perhaps conveniently forget to wash my cup. Well, what's new?


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Emotional defense is harder to spot.
Not too far off from predictability, emotional defense is sometimes mistaken to not be this amazingly dodgy thing called the "ego"—otherwise known as the pride of any human being who naturally commands ownership of everything that comes close to them or even something that is beyond the reach of their fingers.

Let's not get snarky about ego.
Let me not indulge in the masochistic pains of resisting the hands from typing "Freud" and "id, ego, superego" and the legs from running towards my textbooks conveniently arranged for easy access to read up on Freud's psychoanalysis.

Well, what's new again?
I'm already indulging in that masochistic pain of resistance. While it may seem easy for me to express myself as a masochist, it might be my form of emotional defense. I might just be convincing myself that I enjoy pain from resisting the urge to read up on psychoanalysis and the subconscious desires I want to rediscover of myself. In fact, I am utterly shocked at my sudden change into a first person narrative.

Thank goodness, this is my own blog so I am free to type in any way that I want without worrying about how others might feel about me.

See what I did right there? Emotionally defending myself by making myself feel reassured that no one has the right to judge me based on what I write on my blog due to my ownership of this space and these words that I type.

In other words, that's the ego talking right there. Trying to convince myself that I am proudly in charge of the content I have here on my blog, and how I am trying to engage my readers by being so blatantly honest about my feelings towards emotional defense.

Before it gets too personal, I believe that I am incapable of emotionally defending myself in this space. Yes, you may go ahead and ruin me with your judgements. I am more than willing to offer my masochistic desires of being beaten down to the dirt and told that I am not worthy of emotional defense in any form.

Bring out the sadist in you and not ruin me.


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Certainty is so difficult to spot, it's right at your face.
Nobody would have known that certainty is a destructive aspect of the human nature. Apart from the fact that it is far too similar to predictability, the certainty that every individual craves enforces the notion of how invisible it could be because of it has so easily camouflaged into the background of daily life.

The need for certainty is literally running in the backdrop of every scene, every moment, every living minute of a breathing person. Even at death, certainty still exists in the context of how it has to be made certain of the dead person's non-breathing lungs and non-beating heart. Pardon me, if this turns out to be more offensive than I expected.

Everyone doesn't need to be predictable; they want to be unpredictable.

Everyone doesn't want to be portrayed as egoistic; they want to be perceived with prideful humility.

Everyone doesn't want certainty; they crave the adrenaline rush of having things unpredictable and at the same time maintaining their humble image.

Here's the best part.
All these cannot occur if they don't know for sure that it will go according to what they have in mind.

Would you take a dive into the water not knowing whether there are crocodiles in there? Would you lean forward to initiate a kiss with a guy without knowing if he likes you back? Would you quit your job without having applied for another job already? Would you do anything at all and not know what might happen next?

What next?
Here's the fun part about life. Some of you might respond a "yes" to any of the questions in the previous paragraph, but here's the real deal—so what? Nobody cares! While it is definitely not easy for anyone to grasp the concept of how we all could just take a step out and breathe on our own, we are all too accustomed to our habits and defense mechanisms that we might just forget that we don't always need the answers to everything. We get so caught up finding certainty in life even the intellectual ones might perceive having a certain answer as a rooted certainty in life; but for me, I like to think otherwise.


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We piece together ourselves with introspection and retrospection in a reflective process of finding ourselves. These imagined possibilities of what could have been of us and how we could progress on and improve ourselves—all of it is just child's play. Death is too easy that way; life's got to take in more kicks and punches in order to be more fulfilling.

Most often, in that process, we forget about the main point and neglect how we could potentially cultivate adaptability instead of predictability, emotional defenses, and certainty. While the boat that reaches the edge of the lake or river could naturally turn with the current to continue its journey, it could easily capsize or be forced to capsize too. It all dies down with personal choice and responsibility.


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In attempt to get rid of the inner demons from within,
I wouldn't be caught dancing with them.

 Instead of eradicating the inner demons with violence,
I wouldn't be seen at war with them.


I embrace them with open arms,
 and invite them to stay for a little longer.

I'll get them to open up,
 and share their story with me a little at a time.

I'm getting to know the demons for who they are,
and tackle their issues for what they are.

I'm not going to chase them away,
and make them want to come back to me even more.

I will show these demons what my mind holds,
and what an unpleasant place it is.

I will invite these demons to stay around,
and let them feel the discomfort of my mind.

These demons that harbour within me,
I wouldn't say a prayer to make them go away.

These demons will find their own way out,
I wouldn't have to be above them at all.




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Let's go out for a walk,
sit at the top of a hill.

Tell me when you're free for a talk,
you're more than a cheap thrill.

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M.

If you've ever lost every part of yourself.

If you've left your heart on a lonely avenue.

It will be only a matter of time

Before you life comes through for you.