Go ahead and cry little girl.

"Emptying out of my mother's belly was my first act of disappearance. Learning to shrink for a family who likes their daughters invisible was the second. The art of being empty is simple. Believe them when they say you are nothing. Repeat it to yourself like a wish. I am nothing. I am nothing. I am nothing. So often the only reason you know you're still alive is from the heaving of your chest."

— Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey.

----------------

It was easy to lead towards moving on from it;

Somehow it was just harder to simply let go of it.

It was easy to think about snapping out of it;

Somehow it became easier to hold on to it.

It was a feeling that needed to be steered clear of;

More so, it was an immense feeling to get out of.

It was obviously being taken advantaged of;

Yet foolishly complying to be made use of.

--------

Take you like a drug.

I taste you on my tongue.

--------

Misinform and transform the uninformed
with self-formed malformed information.

Conform to the unformed uniformed
and the unreformed form a chloroformed platform.

--------

I tried to write your name in the rain.

 

--------

Anybody would have thought you were a perv,

Nobody stopped to holistically observe.

The kindness you chose to preserve,

The loyalty you prioritised above.

While there is no single explanation to existence on earth,

guidance was provided in finding a purpose to serve.

If respect is what you think you deserve,

A stay away sign is on your turf.

Sometimes the things you say might hit a nerve,

Yet it also brought to the lips an upwards curve.

In the grand scheme of things for what it's worth,

it is perhaps wiser to think twice about your love.

--------

But the rain never came.

So I made with the sun.

--------

Thinking a lot of things, and finding reasons for a lot of things.

Catching sight of an unsuspecting victim;

An opportunity too apparent.

Making evasive claims about an easy casualty;

Enslaving dishonour upon an excuse.

Unwarranted avoidance from the maligned disadvantaged;

Baseless justifications made in a reproached capacity.

Daunting disrespect based on feebleness and distress;

A reputed position of abused supremacy.

Assumptions ceased for a moment, and rationalisation took over.

--------

I keep on trying to let you go.

Not even let you know.

How I'm getting on.

I didn't cry when you left at first.

But now that you're dead it hurts.

This time I gotta know.

--------

Perhaps it all happened for a reason.

Perhaps it all could have happened any other way.

Perhaps it could have led to a separate conclusion.

Perhaps it did not have to end like this.

--------

I'm not entirely here.

Half of me has disappeared.

--------

It was a temporary moment upon first contact;

That feeling self-satisfaction I was able to induce.

It was an easy feat in that aspect;

That undeniable fact that we both enjoyed it.

For the longest time, I had been silently screaming on the inside;

No one took note of it, but you did and you tried.

Although I never entitled anyone to enter my world of pain, I slowly let you in;

No one would have stayed, but you wanted to know more.

Despite the unopened doors which still remain locked, I blatantly wear it on my neck;

No one would have cared, but you made an attempt to make a difference.

Walls were built so high, and I watch people hesitate when approaching me;

No one would have dared to come close, but you did anyway.

Afraid, struggling, in a mess, and being the embarrassment I am;

No one would have been brave enough, but you took a step closer.

Offering a connection that not many would make a go of;

No one would have been interested enough to ask me to share more.

Arousing a curiosity you wouldn't admit of that keeps you around;

No one would even try to catch me or save me, but it didn't stop you.

There was always this chance of messing up because nobody believes me;

No one would take that leap of faith and ask me out, nor expect me to agree to it.

It just happened that I was in a fateful position.

And that was how you first approached me

Hard to imagine that you managed to grab my attention.

Apparently the mystery is in how I caught yours first.

--------

And if you were my little girl.

I'd do whatever I could do.

I'd run away and hide with you.

I love that you got daddy issues.

--------

As part of me and my many cranks

You now have to fill in the

I hate how everything reminds me of you

You make me feel worse than catching a

Just as I thought nothing could tear me apart

You appeared and put a hold on my

I listen and help you to help you stay sound

You hardly do that for me because you're never

It was almost impossible to get that hug I crave

You claim it was unnecessary and asked me to be

 

It felt like no matter how I persist

You just forgot the fact that I

No doubt I had my fair share of fun

You and I are now officially

Breaking the promise to you that I won't cry

You did too when you disappeared without a

----------------

M.

Nobody every does it like you do.

I know how much it matters to you.

I know that you got daddy issues.

P.S. I am not a toy.