Ctrl+Z. Ctrl+Me.

"Just living is not enough", said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."
— Hans Christian Andersen.



How could you even say I never tried?



"Consequently atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning; just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning."


— C. S. Lewis.


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Imagination takes us to lots of places; far beyond what creativity can hold, I would say.

Exploration of a limitless galaxy sounds more than an anticipated adventure;
if not bounded by what the mind can create, imagine what we could discover.

Personally, I like to think a lot of things; I like to imagine a lot of things like building these crazy fantasies in my head—just to convince myself that they aren't real and that they never will be.

Personally, I like to think a lot of things; I like to imagine a lot of things by making up all the fairy tales inside my mind—just to convince myself that they will stay there, but today I'll be sharing them.





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I like to imagine that I'd meet you on the roads some day. I'll be driving my vintage, and I like to think that you'd be driving a Jaguar. We'd both be heading home after work—back to our respective homes, but we would bump into each other at the traffic light. You'd be shooting me an unforgettable smile and I'd wave back shyly while my heart thumps against the seatbelt hovering over my chest.

Damn it, seatbelt, weren't you supposed to keep me safe? I'm losing my mind to this moment.

The light would turn from red to green, and that moment would cease to exist as we would drive off in separate directions which I wish so badly would connect again at a later juncture.

Maybe I'll keep thinking about you until I forget to check my blind spot and crash into another car. Maybe I'll stop thinking about you and just drive on.


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I like to imagine that I'd feel a tap on my soldier as I'm out with a friend at a café. We're sitting by the river or reservoir, or some sort of water body. It is pure coincidence that we chanced upon each other after I thought I'd forgotten your face. I secretly wish that you'd feel pleased to reconcile the memory of my bashfulness with that moment. Hiding my redding cheeks, I would find it annoying as to how you're standing there and trying to have a conversation with me while I was previously in the middle of an intense debate with my friend.

I wish it would be less annoying because I want to continue this conversation with you to catch up on how you've been, but at the same time, I can't just ditch my friend in the middle of a slightly less enticing contact.

Not wanting you to go, I would hope that you might just ask me to hang out after I was done with my friend. I would spot you with a few other well-dressed peers, and I would secretly heave a sigh of relief because you weren't on a date. This is all business talk, I wouldn't understand entirely. I secretly cheer at the fact that I don't see any of them as a threat. What exactly am I thinking? And more importantly, who am I to kid?

Maybe I'll get lost in thoughts of you until I'll blabber about you all night, or I'll lose focus of the current conversation I'm unfortunately having with another person rather than you. Maybe I'll put down the thoughts of you and finish my food without sneaking a glance at your across the eating place. The lights are probably slightly dimmed any way.


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I like to imagine that I'm running with my little one at a park, perhaps Marina barrage or somewhere close to my place, so I can get a hint of where you might have moved to. I wish you would ask me about Daisy and take interest in how I'm taking a huge step to overcome my fears and finally exercise on my own accord.

I'd like to eradicate the temptation of asking you to join me on a frequent basis, but I cannot help but chicken out because you always have to watch out for your business. Trades don't go so well sometimes, and more attention has to be placed on priorities. I understand all that, but I wish that didn't mark the end of our encounters as you would still put in an effort to give me a call when you're up for a run.

Phone works both ways, but I wish it was you who would take the initiative​ to find better reception to call me so that we can revisit our commonalities and resonate with the voices of each other.

Maybe I'll run away from my problems by looking forward to bumping into you again in the area. Maybe I'll run away from you by never going back to the same place again ever.


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I like to imagine that on any regular day at this timing, you would be at work. You will be taking note of each precise detail, monitoring the trend of ups and downs to make an accurate guess from speculation and calculation, and achieve what you planned for. As the sun sets, you'd check your watch and rush back home to me.

Damn you, brain, aren't you the scumbag? I'm supposed to remember from the first paragraph that we lived separate lives now.

You would be rushing home after hours because you've extended your overtime in the office to ensure that everything has been conclusively wrapped up. It's your form of fixation, and I understand. I merely request for you to be less concentrated on that and slightly more focused on me, or at least thoughts of me or thoughts about actions relating to me.

Maybe I'll get all excited when you think about surprise dropping over my area. Maybe I'll let it all go when you don't ever call or respond the way I wish you would.


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The wonders of being a hopeless romantic lies in the perception of a dream. Whether or not a dream could come true would have to rely on the fact about the romancing within the romance.

Drops of wishful thinking falls off onto the ground, with each drop splashing off the ground and exploding into a million pieces of possibilities.

Wondering on its own has many consequences of a butterfly effect, but once again I wonder if ultimately we can control when we choose to hold on to and let go.

And now I just sit in silence.




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M.

 And you're acting like I been around with every single guy.
Got me running other places in my mind.

Got me running to places where nobody else has gone.
And I tried to take you with me then it went all wrong.
And I said, "I'm here to stay but I need to get away."
So I'm running other places in my mind.

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