Help, I have done it again.

"I'm in love with you and you don't want anything to do with me so I think we can make this work: a love story."

— Melissa Broder, So Sad Today.

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The scene dims into a monochrome shading, as the sun dips into the pool of liquid black. Yet in such circumstance, the blinding light forces the shades to be put on, darkening the surrounding so the shadows can't be seen.

Comfort within monotony is perceived as a bolstered opportunity to work around the cutting edges — slicing between the fingers until they thin out into a numbed sensation of tortured pleasure. Under this scenario, it appears as though the wind on surface level seems to be hissing some clues to the mystery. Ultimately, the mystery remains unsolved from the lack of definite solutions and the acceptable words to fill in the blanks just so simply cannot be found on the given list.

While the strain in the optimistic mindset forfeits the existence of tranquilised chaos, it seems almost alien to picture the familiarity that once existed in the place that now feels so foreign.

The missing pieces no longer fit together because they simply are not missing anymore. A clarity much dreaded has now become reality which fails to signify a stepping stone towards change.

The shades are taken off and a sup of tea accompanies the soothing breeze of un-accomplishment within the decaffeinated addiction to the fidgety mind. In the setting of the blistered feet and the corrupted mind, it is only inevitable to write an escape plan within the boundaries of the dreamscapes that implode the exploration of the salmon-coloured chest hidden in the empty skull. As the colours begin to reappear once again, the heart palpitates aggressively and the anxiety explodes with no sign of fireworks.

The confusion ends today.
The answer blinks itself in front of the open eyes.

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Ouch, I have lost myself again.

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found.

Yeah I think that I might break. 

Lost myself again, and I feel unsafe.

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*
    *
   *
*
Oh,
Puddin'.
A decorated jelly
with a cherry on top
drizzled with some
syrup of this thing
called love.

I'd like to think a lot of things.

I'd like to think that I can be me again.

I'd like to think that I'm more than okay.

I'd like to think that I'm doing fine, I'm not.

I'd like to think that I was strong on my own.

I'd like to think that I could accept you for you.

I'd like to think that I'll read between your lines.

I'd like to think that you could keep me in check.

I'd like to think that I could keep myself in check.

I'd like to think that I would be able to stop crying.

I'd like to think that I wouldn't need you this much.

I'd like to think that I can work it out all on my own.

I'd like to think that I might be louder than my bark.

I'd like to think that I won't fall under your spell again.

I'd like to think that I could change your mindset of me.

I'd like to think that I'm capable on my own without you.

I'd like to think that I'll kill my caffeine addiction with tea.

I'd like to think that I'd not let the ball fall into your court.

I'd like to think that I'd not let you beat me in your game.

I'd like to think that I'd be saved by you before I capsized.

I'd like to think that you could accept me for me being me.

I'd like to think that I've got the answers to your questions.

I'd like to think that I can lie to myself a fairytale I'd believe.

I'd like to think that I could fix you more than how you try to.

I'd like to think that it was more than what you made it seem.

I'd like to think that I think a lot, but I don't think hard enough.

  
I'd like to think that I could make up a million scenarios in my head
where I would mean more than a speck of dust that passes by you everyday.

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在困苦中百转
但结果在眼前

事实证实无缘

我已不敢再说
来日可相见

你我相隔多么远

那年那天可相见

那处境可会改变

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M.

I have been here many times before.

Hurt myself again today.

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame.

Be my friend, hold me.

Wrap me up, unfold me.

I am small, and needy.

Warm me up, and breathe me.