you have it or you don't.

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."

- Edgar Allan Poe.

----------------

Looking out of the window,
she held on to the knife.
She held it close.
She held it tight.

With shaking hands,
a relentless tremor,
shortness of breath,
she turned back to table.

Still shaking, on autopilot mode,
she slices the onions ahead of her.

Each slice defined and equal,
each slice delicately cut,
mindfulness in each cut,
precision in each slice.

She held the knife firmly,
but the shaking wouldn't stop.
She cut it slowly
while her hands trembled more.

Still shaking, on autopilot mode,
she didn't want to cut herself.

Finishing up the slicing,
she stared ahead at the cut onion.

The fumes engulfing the area,
the fresh smell of onion,
the delicate touch of the onion,
the perfectly cut onion.

She stood there,
admiring her work.
Her hands still shaking,
not a tear shed.

And they say onions make people cry,
but she stood there, shaking,
blinking without tears,
blinking without fears.

--------

Black out.

Erase the world inside the mind.
Erase the words inside.
Erase the feelings.
Erase it all.

Detach from the face that could once smile.
Detach from the rest of the people.
Detach from the world.
Detach the self.

Unleash the crazy that has been repressed.
Unleash the crazy thoughts.
Unleash the insanity.
Unleash it all.

Wipe away the tears before they form.
Wipe away the self control.
Wipe away the fears.
Wipe it all away.

Black out.


--------


The voices aren't taking over me.
The voices aren't making me emotionless.
The voices aren't making me crazy.
The voice aren't taking anything away.

The voices talk to me.
The voices tell me to do things I don't want to.

The voices feed on me.
The voices feed on my weakness.

The voices aren't that bad.
The voices aren't that crazy.
The voices aren't evil.
The voices aren't scary.

It's just me, isn't it?
It's all in my little head.

--------

You see with your eyes,

I see destruction and demise.

----------------

M.

that's a fallacy.