maybe i am just not enough.

"Words can be twisted into any shape. Promises can be made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. In the final analysis, words mean nothing. They are labels we give things in an effort to wrap our puny little brains around their underlying natures, when ninety-nine percent of the time the totality of the reality is an entirely different beast. The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them."

- Karen Marie Moning

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Four walls.
Four glass walls.

The sunlight.
It's hurting the eyes.

Where are the goddamned sunglasses?
I thought I had them.

I used to be a summer girl,
bracing the sun,
loving the warmth,
loving the tan it gave me.

It's hurting now.
I'm pressed against the wall.

It's burning.
I'm not moving away.

I'm smashing my fists against the wall,
begging for help.

Let me out.
I don't want the sunlight
for just awhile.
Please.

Where are my sunglasses?
Where is my umbrella?

I had them right here,
I had them all along.

I'm no moving away from the glass,
it was still hot.

The sun rays scorching the walls,
shining brightly with such force.

I'm not going anywhere,
I can't.
I'm not going anywhere,
I don't want to.

I need to be here.
I am a summer girl.

I made a promise to the sun,
to appreciate all the warmth.

I made a promise to the sun,
to never leave its rays.

I made a promise to the sun,
that I would never leave,
even if it was unbearable,
I'd stay.

I stayed.
I'm burning under the sunlight.

Stop shining, Sun.
The sun could not control it.

I stopped begging for help.
I felt a little numb.

Perhaps the heat was scorching
yet seeping into me
slowly but surely
until I felt a little numb.

I made a promise.
I wouldn't break it.

I fell in love with the sun,
I fell in love with the warmth.

I fell in love with the sun rays
it would shine upon me everyday.

I fell in love with the sun,
I would keep my promise.
I wouldn't leave,
I would never leave.

I would stop begging.
I would stop pleading.

Just soak in the heat.
Just embrace all the heat.

I don't need to run.
I don't need to hide.

I chose to love the sun.
I would keep to my promise.
I would stop begging.
I would stay here silently.

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Silence doesn't always mean pain.

----------------

M.

you've made me realise my deepest fear.